There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
