Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
