I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The Olympian is in my bed
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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