We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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