remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
