i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm drive I can fine osifer
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
