I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
