Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
