Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize