You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize