I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I think my fart just growled at me.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You are the jesus of drinking
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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