its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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