About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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