You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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