You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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