party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
