Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
