I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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