if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
