Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
