she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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