K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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