Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
