Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
