I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
