It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
