I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
