Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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