I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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