That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
