K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
