I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize