I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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