i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
