Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Alive.
So much puke
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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