What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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