You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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