I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Can Purell be used as lube?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
