i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
