Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
