She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
