at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
