Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
it was like eating out sand paper
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
