I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
