My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
