Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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