we're blogging at a bar
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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