that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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