I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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