So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
