i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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