don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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