You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize