that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
