Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
