arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
