i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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