8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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