I faked an abortion last night.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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