Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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