She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
