youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
