Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
