every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
