eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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