He had one of those small greek statue penises
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
