Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize