he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize