So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
