I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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