Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
