You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize