I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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