I got chris browned last night
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
