So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
