what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize