a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
