Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
