it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
